Lonely but Strong

It seems like some people have an easier time moving to a third world country after having been born into a first world country.  They are laid back, relaxed, accepting of differences, and ready to roll with anything.

And then there's us- we see the teeniest details.  We walk into a room and feel the temperament of the people in it.  If you are having a bad day, one of my kids will cue in and ask me about it afterward.  We take it all in, and process it all- emotional, spiritual, physical inputs are intense and don't stop.  We debate minutia and call it fun.  We wrestle with God, His Word, and each other as our eyes are seeing things we never knew to be real.

This hasn't made us bad at what we are here to do, but it has made it very difficult for us to take it all in, enter into life and be communicative missionaries who write often and "take our friends with us on the journey" in Burkina Faso.

Had I 'brought you with me', you would have been a sweaty hot mess, overloaded on carbohydrates and underloaded on protein- You may have been aghast at the immodesty, confused by the oxymoronic parts of life and tired of being the brunt of laughter, even when it is harmless and friendly!

We've been lonely but strong.

We have felt dread and eager anticipation at the exact same moment.

We've longed for a plane ticket out of here, yet know that we are exactly where we should be.

To chit-chat about these things is confusing-

Good missionaries are "called", and therefore are "happy".

They thrive on adventure.  They long to eat caterpillars and drink cupfuls of giardia.

The good missionaries won't mention the difficulty in maintaining a healthy marriage amidst language learning and culture shock.

So neither will I.

I'll just say that the complaints of Gladys Aylward or Jim Elliot were nothing compared to the thoughts I have every hour of every day.   I've read the missionary biographies.  They have encouraged us and challenged us and given me preconceived ideas of how to "be" good.  And yet, here I am.  Still me- living in Africa, finding my place in this community, loving the people and holding on tight as God leads us forward 

for His Names' sake.

I knew hypothetically that God could use me to share His love and shine His light in a dark place.  I knew that I would still be me, and that His grace and the power of the Holy Spirit would carry us through these days; but I thought that I would be transformed from a reg'ler old person into Super Christian  something else.

The five of us have felt closer to our sinny, sinny, selves than ever before- and even in the thick of it we see God's love covering over so that churches can be planted where there are none, and so that men who practice witchcraft will burn their fetishes and praise the name of Jesus!

 And he commanded us to preach unto the people, and to testify that it is he which was ordained of God to be the Judge of quick and dead.  To him give all the prophets witness, that through his name whosoever believeth in him shall receive remission of sins.

Acts 10:42-43